3 Words. . . . . .

I am trying to think of ways to keep Tim in touch with everything that is going on back at home while he is away, and trying to make him feel like he isn't missing out on anything much. So I have decided I am going to make him a CD each week with whatever songs I have been listening to for that week on it. I am by no means a musician - but music does play a big part in my life and I think I express what I am feeling a lot through the music I am listening to. I am one of those people who actually listens to the words of songs and a lot of the songs I love, I love for the words or the story behind them as much as I love them for their melody or their rhythm or whatever.

The music I listen to is always a mix of new and old. From every genre - nix maybe country, but it is (slowly) growing on me. . . . . The CD I have made for Tim for this week is a mix of old and new. My absolute favourites at the moment are Kate Miller Heidtke - a song called Caught in the Crowd, You've got the Love by Florence and the Machine and 3 Words by Cheryl Cole.

I met a guy at the club
I let him know I'm in love

I met a girl at the bar
I let her know who you are

I told her you are a love of my life and
One day you gonna be my wife and
We are gonna have some babie together

I told him you are a man of my dreams
You saved me from drowning in the streams
I know we're really gonna last forever and ever

It was those, 3 words that saved my life
It wasn't complicated
Wasn't pre-meditated
It wasn't under-rated
Boy I'm so glad you stayed and
It was those 3 words saved my life
It wasn't complicated
Wasn't pre-meditated
To you I'm dedicated
Let's go ahead and say it

I love you I love you
You are the love of my life my life
I love you I love you
You are the love of my life my life

You know you're holdin my heart
Can't nothin' tear us apart

You know I'm so in love with you
Can't nothin tear us apart no

I said I L-O-V-E Y-O-U
I'm so into you girl
She said M-E T-O-O
It's obvious I'm so into you boy
So why don't we ( we ) hold ( hold ) on ( on ) for ( to ) love
Through the ups and downs never let go
Holdin' on forever never let go
It all started with 3 words, saved my life
It wasn't complicated
It wasn't complicated
It wasn't complicated
It wasn't complicated
Baby those 3 words saved my life

I love you I love you
You are the love of my life my life
I love you I love you
You are the love of my life my life

Spunky Monkey

The soul purpose of this post is to brag. . . . . . . . My boy is away at the moment and my bestie was in the same state conincidentally and she had a function for work, so Timbo went as her +1. She sent me this pic of him all handsomed up in his suit and it made me miss him a million times more than I already was, but it also made me really look forward to the next time I get him in a suit. . . . . . whenever that might be!

The sun is creeping out through the clouds again. . . .

Ok so today is a better day than yesterday :) I am still a long long way from completely happy - but I have moved on from the bitter and twisted mood I was in yesterday!!

Slightly softening the blow is the fact that I am going up to see Tim next weekend - 9 sleeps!! He has to work on the Saturday, but has Sunday off so I will amuse myself for the day on Saturday and then pick him up from work and we will be able to have two whole dinners together - and one of them will even be on Valentines Day :) Romantic Bris-vegas. . . . . .look out!

Am also busying myself planning a little 5 days away when he is back from this exercise and before they deploy o/s. We had lots of options given that Australia is such a magic country - but I think we've decided on Palm Cove, up in between Cairns and Port Douglas. That picture at the top of this post is Cairns - so it will be awesome to have a few days to ourselves where we can do as much or as little as we like! The Great Barrier Reef, Daintree, Cape Tribulation - I cant wait!!!

Sometimes enough is just enough. . . . . .

I dont understand a lot of things. . . . . I dont understand the choices some people make, and I dont understand sometimes why things have to be so hard.

I am new to this, and I am new to having calls made about the direction my life is going to take by some external third party whom I have no affiliation to, no affection for and no commitment to. And I have never been an angry person - but the situation I find myself in at the moment makes my blood boil. It makes me feel almost a hatred unlike anything I have ever felt before.

I fell in love - and I fell in love with no guarantee that the man I had fallen in love with was ever going to love me back. But then he did. . . . . and although it's been difficult, and we've been through quite a lot in the relatively short time we have known each other - it has reached a point where I was pretty confident that this was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

And I knew - from the outset, what he did for a job, and what that might mean for me and him and us. But there was still nothing that could have prepared me for the feeling in the pit of my stomach when he came home and told me he had been asked to go overseas again. Probably similar to the feeling of my heart physically breaking when he let slip that one of the other guys had been offered the trip and had turned it down. . . . . .I had no idea this was an option. And for the life of me, I cant figure out why - if given the option, why on earth would you choose to be away from the person you're supposed to be "in love" with for pretty much 10 months of the year?! I just don't get that.

He is 3 days into a 6 week training program, 1000km away from me - and even though still in the same country and almost the same time zone, he has to work pretty much 6 days a week for the next 6 weeks so that means he can't come home at all to visit and its pointless me going up there. And all I hear from him constantly is how much time they spend on these "training exercises" sitting around staring at each other with nothing to do. . . . . . .

I guess the underlying issue with all of these gripes are that I feel like he chose this. I feel like he consciously made the decision knowing what it meant for us. I had only known him 6 months when he made that call and I dont know if I am mad that he assumed I would hang around, or that he knew what happened to his relationship last time he went away - and he's doing it again. Or maybe it's just because I know that nothing in the world would tempt me away from him for that length of time - and I feel a little miffed that he doesnt have the same level of commitment to me.

This song below has come out recently - I cant hear it without crying. . . . . . . It breaks my heart to think about not being able to see and touch Tim for months at a time - but in the same breath, I am just not sure I can do it.


Trying to beat my misery,
Don't wanna go across the sea,
And if I could take you everywhere,
There'd be no cause for my despair,

And I know we won't touch for months,
And your smell will evade me,
But our love could survive a war,
Without the slightest sore,

I know you suffer for my art,
Always pulling us apart,
Your forever in my brain,
Even when I cause you pain,

And I know I can't taste your skin,
With an ocean between us,
But our love is a dinosaur,
Hear it roar,

And I know we won't touch for months,
And your smell will evade me,
But our love could survive a war,
Without the slightest sore,

And I know I can't taste your skin,
With an ocean between us,
But our love is a dinosaur,
Hear it roar,
Hear it roar.