While Away
Emotional Confusion (1-6 weeks after departure).
- Possible Feelings: sense of abandonment, loss, emptiness, pain, disorganisation, intense business.
- Activities: being more busy than usual.
- Reactions: crying, loss of sleep, loss of appetite.
Adjustment (for most of the time away ).
- Possible Feelings: hope, confidence, calm, less anger, loneliness.
- Activities: establishing routine, establishing communications, self growth, and independence.
Expectation of Reunion (6-8 weeks prior to homecoming).
- Possible Feelings: apprehension, excitement, high expectations, worry.
- Activities: planning homecoming, cleaning, dieting.
On the day of departure, whatever you say to each other may seem awkward and not quite right. Afterwards, when you reflect on not seeing each other for a substantial period of time, you may wonder why you couldn't have had a more romantic, more 'right' goodbye. This is completely normal.
For the first day or so after the member leaves, you may feel robotic, just going through the moves, almost as if in shock. Some people want to stay home with no one around. It is common to feel depressed and have no energy. You may wonder if it was easy for the member to leave, especially if they seemed excited about going away.
It is common to feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you are facing. There may be a sense of abandonment. As a result, you may feel anger towards your partner, the unit, the Commanding Officer, the military - the whole world. This stage does pass as you find that you can handle the separation, and within a few days or weeks, are beginning to settle into a pattern.
Some tips to help partners cope while Defence members areaway from home:
Be good to yourself - Take time out now and then to do something a little bit selfish - take a long bath, cook a special dish, or hire a babysitter and go out for a night with friends. Don't forget to give yourself credit for dealing with things as well as you have.
Stay healthy and happy - Try to take good care of yourself. Exercise regularly (remember to talk to your doctor before beginning an exercise program), eat right and get enough sleep. Learn how to relax and manage stress. Don't turn to alcohol and other drugs for stress reduction. Remember there is always someone on call at the National Welfare Coordination Centre and the Defence Community Organisation if you want to talk.
Stay positive - It's easy to see the negative side of a family member being away, but seeing the positive side has many more rewards. Find another military spouse who is alone to share activities, thoughts and frustrations with. Spend time with upbeat friends - and try to be positive. Think of separation as a chance to grow.
Stay busy - Time passes much more quickly when you're busy. Try to see separation as a time to learn something new. Maybe you could take those TAFE courses you've always promised yourself. You could learn new job skills or volunteer for a support organisation.
Do something fun and exciting - Spend time each week doing something out of the routine. Go to the movies, the library or to the beach. Try to avoid sitting home feeling sorry for yourself.
